“everyone has their off days” I tell myself 15 days in a row
*slides you $20* pls stop ignoring me
hey look a $20 bill
"What’s your favorite album, or book?" "I really like Metamorphosis, I think it says a lot about the human condition and psyche." "Yeah I love Franz Kafka." "Oh no, I was talking about Hilary Duff’s debut album."
Really funny how people making fun of immigrants speaking “broken english” only know one fucking language.
If you think about it Ursula was actually really nice because she only promised Ariel legs, and she gave her really nice legs that matched her body type and skin color when she could have just as easily given her goat legs
When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage
fun-size candy bars aren’t fun after you’ve eaten 37 of them
sunglasses emoji only wears his shades to hide the tears