australiansanta:

do i even have a sense of humour anymore or do i just laugh at badly worded sentences

elicrotch:

v0ciferation:

checks grades

*bastille voice* how am i gonna be an optimist about this

well if you close your eyes

dickdickdickdickdickdickdickdick:

"how to perfect the natural, no makeup look"

step 1. you will need these 27 cosmetic products

drugdealing:

hater alert on aisle u

americanfrontier:

oh and when i was a year old, after i got my foot amputated my parents were pushing me around in a stroller at a street festival in miami and i was chewing on my foot or whatever and this street performer came up to us and was like “aw i bet that tastes good!!” and my dad was like “yeah look at what she did to the other one!!!!” and pulled back the blanket covering my left leg to show a stump with a huge scar on it and i’m pretty sure my dad terrified that poor man

fitzgeraldthefourth:

fitzgeraldthefourth:

omfg today a girl at school told me i was wearing the same outfit i wore yesterday

lmao

I DON’T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS HILARIOUS

WE HAVE A UNIFORM

greetings:

when u hear someone talking shit about u

image

warsquirtle:

Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life

dasfreefree:

i couldn’t make this up even if i tried

omfgsid:

My 4 year old brother told me he was scared to grow up and cried for like 10 minutes straight

finally I asked why he was so scared

and he said he was scared of drinking coffee

coffee

pink-station-gerard:

Wet Yourself! At The Party

dillondean:

thug life? more like hug life. come here

foxnewsofficial:

let’s see you try to unfollow me without any arms

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